Foot In Mouth Disease

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

5 things I never thought I'd be doing

  1. Applying to graduate school again. It didn't work out so well the first time. I didn't do all my reading, I didn't finish my book--or my thesis. I was so naive then. I thought an MFA would take me to riches and respect. All I got was debt. Oh, and a boyfriend. And he's the bestest. Hmm.
  2. Applying to graduate school in my college major. If I had known I was going to do this, I would have worked a lot harder in college. I would have written a thesis. I would have stayed in contact with my professors. Lucky for me, I stayed in the mind of one of my TAs, who is flirty and hot. He took me to lunch a couple times and told me that he used to be gay in college but didn't want to live his life that. "Don't get me wrong: I love my life." If he gets me in somewhere, I'll offer him a blowjob. Mmm.
  3. I kept quiet for an hour and half so that I wouldn't disturb my roommate and his John. The BF and several others told me, oh, 10 times to tell the new roomie that he couldn't bring clients to the house. But I assumed such a rule was a given. And then he mentioned casually today at around 1pm that he was having "a guy over at three." Uh, fuck. Did I do anything? No. I'm such a conflict-avoiding twat.
  4. Worrying about barfing again. I went home sick yesterday after spending the morning squirting poo. After I was home for an hour or so, I barfed for a half hour. I spewed all over the floor, the toilet, my clothes, and the hooker's bathroom mat. And I shat my pants whenever I haved. There was, like, a pound of liquid poo in my sweatpants after the hurling stopped. I pitched it all. Awful.
  5. Writing an essay describing how much it sucked to be gay in college so that I could possibly get a Diversity Fellowship. Ha. Ew. Ugh.